When we call someone powerful, we’re probably referring to their control of external conditions. A powerful leader might control over policies, for example. A powerful criminal might control a dangerous gang. But true power when it refers to us personally and positively should never be about controlling other people.
Controlling other people is ultimately not difficult to do. If we are prepared to use any means, with fear and threats there are people who can make others do whatever they want. But they are ultimately very fragile. Their power depends entirely on the cooperation of others. Even if that cooperation isn’t willing, it is still the source of their power. Once people stop listening or cooperating, their power dissolves. People who control others or seek to control external situations are rarely, if ever, truly powerful.
But learning to control yourself and your own mind? Now that is powerful. Knowing your own mind and feeling confident in yourself is a source of genuine power because it does not depend on others.
We are usually taught to work constantly to control our external circumstances. We’re usually disappointed time and again because we cannot foresee certain circumstances. An illness or a partner leaving us cannot be controlled, for example.
In reality though, we can only be truly powerful if we learn to control our reactions and emotions. Specifically, our reactions to hardship and challenges. Controlling emotions does not mean repressing them.
We need to learn the difference between repressing an emotion and healthily acknowledging it. We can then work to oppose it properly. We can learn to control our anger by improving our empathy, compassion, and communication, for example. We can learn to control our jealousy by training to be sincerely happy for others.
There are many inner ways we can train our mind from meditation to conventional therapy. But we need some day-to-day guidance. If you want to take some control over your everyday life, read on for suggestions.
Connect With Likeminded People
If we are only spending time with people who disagree with us and our views, it can be easy to lose confidence in them. We may start to question our beliefs and even values that are very close to our hearts. Isolation can set in and we can soon feel irrevocably “different” and strange. While it is important to consider the views of others and keep an open mind, connecting with like-minded people can be hugely positive. Perhaps you feel strongly about education or an environmental cause, for example. You might be passionate about animal rights or even a certain type of music.
However niche your interest is, you can guarantee that someone will share it. It can be wise to begin your search locally. You never know. A wonderful discussion group or club might already have a foothold in your town! If not, broaden your search online.
One of the blessings of the internet and social media is its ability to connect people with something in common. At its best, social media facilitates communication, collaboration and discussion. If you’re not connecting with the people around you it might be time to cast your net a little wider. Finding people who think along similar lines can be a very effective way to feel more powerful. It is even easier to have faith in our views if we find other people who share them.
Face Your Insecurities
We all have features and qualities about ourselves that make us feel self-conscious. It may be a physical feature that we constantly feel the need to cover up. It might be our tendency to overreact or even our natural laugh. There are several ways to face and avert an insecurity depending on its type and our own values. If we have a personality issue that we feel we need to fix, our approach can be both internal and external.
We can begin by thinking deeply about where it comes from, how it harms or protects us, and what would be a more positive replacement. Then we can communicate with people we trust to get an objective opinion on the situation. They might shed some light on the issue that we hadn’t thought of. They might even frame the personality trait we hate in a positive light!
Stay open-minded and try to accept constructive criticism. Visualise how you would prefer to feel. If you hate that you are suspicious, guarded, or critical, for example, picture being relaxed and loving.
Getting rid of unwanted personality traits should not mean that we become a doormat or less outspoken. It should mean that we are taking greater control over our happiness and personal preferences.
If insecurities are physical, we also have several approaches. Perhaps we could make an external change such as to our lifestyle. Or with the help of professionals like www.RoxyPlasticSurgery.com. If this step is not for us then we can consider the ways to change our view of ourselves. Practising contentment, speaking to others, and shifting our focus from our bodies to our other qualities can all be helpful.
By facing, averting, or even embracing our insecurities, we become instantly more powerful. We are far less vulnerable to criticism and are less likely to put up with those who don’t appreciate us. Our self-esteem should be like a loyal, unshakeable friend and always protect us. Regardless of the views of others.
In order to become powerful, we must develop respect for ourselves. If we treat ourselves fairly and with respect, then we come to expect the same of other people. If we are used to thinking negatively or disrespectfully about ourselves then it does not jar with us when someone does the same. This is an intensely negative situation. You are deserving of care, love, and respect.
Start emphasizing your good qualities and inwardly congratulating yourself on achievements, however small. It is important to create boundaries that we consider acceptable and unacceptable. In friendships and relationships, it can be difficult to judge from the inside. While we are actually in a situation, judging things objectively can become very difficult. This is why it is important to know your boundaries ahead of time where possible. You need to identify behaviors that you consider positive and negative, acceptable or unacceptable. You are then in a position to communicate them calmly and effectively.
Be strong. If the people around you are regularly crossing your boundaries then communicate with them about it. If there is still no respec,t then it is often time to walk away. Life is too short for toxic or negative situations. We should be aware that damage done to us can leave a lasting impression.
It is important to separate ourselves from irreversibly negative situations as quickly as possible. By learning what is acceptable to you and what is not, you will feel powerful in your convictions. That power attracts people who support and respect you, whether as a friend, partner, or coworker.
Expand Your Horizons
Staying curious and interested in life makes us powerful because it does not depend on others. We can certainly involve others when they are willing. We can share our interests and adventures and develop our experience with both family and friends. But ultimately pursuing our own education (it doesn’t have to be formal) empowers us. We not only improve our knowledge and understanding of the world but also ourselves. If we feel that there is still a lot to be learned and discovered in the future, it can make present hardships far easier to deal with.
A broad appreciation for life can keep the little setbacks in perspective. We might choose to take a class or start meeting with a group. We might like to travel more or read up on gaps in our knowledge. It might simply be a case of listening sincerely and taking an interest in the lives of others. However, we choose to express it, keeping a broad and expansive mind makes us more powerful. It enables us to take some control over our own destiny and understanding. It helps us to better understand the lives and concerns of others. And it can ultimately help us become the person that we truly want to be.
There are plenty of tasks and activities that take a little forward planning. But there is a difference between preparing carefully and genuine procrastination. Procrastination involves avoiding tasks because of a negative reason. Laziness, anxiety, confusion or just demotivation can all be culprits. Procrastination is the enemy of feeling powerful because it makes us feel ineffective.
We cannot progress, take action, or move forward. There are times when it is important to rest or be patient with ourselves. But then we must be honest with ourselves about whether we are procrastinating or not. Are there any small or easy tasks we can do to move forward? Starting with these places less demands on us but still gives the sense of moving forward. Then we can capitalize on this sense of momentum and achievement to make the bigger changes.