Dating Apps: Pros and Cons by Damona Hoffman

“Just go out and meet someone!”, “Why can’t you just find a nice guy?”, “Let’s go to the club and—”

Hold. Everything.

As a woman of the modern age (ironically, this makes me sound elderly), and of the tech generation, I am beyond tired of people telling me that dating is as easy as chatting up some random dude at a club that plays too much trap music. Frankly, dating today seems much more challenging than it ever has, compared to stories of meeting at a dance, striking up conversations in coffee houses, etc. What’s more is that previous generations don’t quite know how to answer all of our burning questions of “when to text him back” or “Should I delete Tinder?”

Thankfully, Damona Hoffman has come to our rescue. A relationship expert with a background as a CBS executive, Hoffman has taught many lonely hearts about the power of personal branding in the online dating scene. Her writing has appeared on The Huffington Post, and her book, Spin Your Web: How to Brand Yourself for Successful Online Dating, has received wide acclaim from relationship experts at JDate, The Millionaire Matchmaker, and more. Damona runs DatesAndMates.com, a website filled to the brim with unbelievably useful products, informational blog posts, and contact information (hint, hint) that are ready to drive the dating scene into the modern world.

We were lucky enough to speak with Ms. Hoffman about her perspective on the dating apps currently out there, and the ways in which we can most effectively utilize this technology.

Miss Millennia Magazine: Which online dating platform, would you say, is best for Millennials seeking long-term relationships? Why?

Damona Hoffman: Each dating platform has a unique identity that matches a unique set of goals, so finding the right app or site is a varies by the individual. You need to look at the sites’ functionality, selection, and niche in order to find the right one for you. I do, however, recommend being on more than one site at a time–it’s like being in two places simultaneously and can double your chances at finding love. 

M3: Tinder gets a bad rap. Do you think that reputation is well deserved? Who would you encourage (or discourage) from using it?

DH: I think Tinder is a great resource for many daters including people coming out of relationships who need to get dating practice. It’s also good for people who are frustrated with the speed of traditional sites and would like to get out on dates more quickly. If you hook up with people you meet from the site then it will become a hookup site for you. If you use it as just another resource to improve your dating skills and meet more people then you won’t be disappointed.

M3: Many young people struggle because they want a more “legitimate” dating site (one with a better reputation like eHarmony or Match), but don’t have the money to pay every month/year. What would you say about free sites like OkCupid vs. a subscription-based membership site?

DH: In general you get what you pay for. Low investment usually means low commitment. However, there are ways that you can pay for a site that are not monetary. In OkCupid, you pay based on time. When you answer questions on OkCupid you are giving the site valuable data and investing your time in having a good experience and making better matches. So, you have a better shot at finding someone who has a similar level of commitment to finding someone special. Yet the biggest dating innovations right now are happening in apps and most of those are free or are based on a model where you only pay for the specific services or premiums that interest you. I think we’ll see more and more traditional sites moving in this direction as the customers migrate to mobile.

M3: What makes Generation Y different in terms of our dating habits?

DH: Gen Y daters are unique from other generations in the way they communicate.  Many of my clients who are Gen X or older tend to like to get to know a date offline before they set a date. Gen Y daters prefer to only text before meeting and like to get out into the real world more quickly. I also see that Gen Y daters don’t make as much of a distinction between “online dating” and “dating.” Whether you met on Snapchat, Tinder, or through friends; a date is just a date–not an online or offline date.

M3: What do you think is the biggest pitfall of the online dating generation?

DH: I’m sad to see so many people living in fantasy online relationships. Dating sites and social media platforms should be used as a gateway to connect with people in real life, not as a way to build real relationships. When I led a webinar recently on this “Texting Trap” as I call it, I heard from many Gen Y daters who were stuck in text-based relationships that either ended up being fake or lacked true chemistry when they met in the real world. The Texting Trap keeps you stuck in a relationship that doesn’t actually exist in the real world and is devastating our ability to make real, romantic connections.

M3: How can we effectively use dating apps/online dating to achieve our intended results?

DH: First, do not try to control the outcome. People tire of online dating and become disappointed when they become too attached to what is going to happen in the future. Stay in the now, try to focus on listening and connecting to someone when you are sitting right across from them and you’ll enjoy the experience much more. Also, keep that first date short and sweet. Many people wear out their welcome on the first date, they say too much, they do too much, they drink too much, and they wonder why the relationship never develops. For a flawless first date, you have to keep your date wanting more to make them keep calling and needing to see you. There’s no such thing as love at first sight, only lust and first sight. True chemistry and connection develops over time and you need to give your relationship the space to grow.

Has Damona’s advice brought you closer to finding love? Share your story with us!

 

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