Personal Growth

Millennial Mindset: My Uber Passenger Sexually Assaulted Me

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My passengers are always surprised to see me.

I’m almost always first female driver they’ve had. We are a rarity, at only about 19% at Lyft, 15% at Sidecar, and 8% at Uber.
As a new author and freelance writer, the gig works for me. There’s no schedule, boss, and or politics. I can turn on my app anytime I want to make money. I can take off for a writing assignment, a workshop, a festival, or an overseas backpacking trip. For the first time in my life, I’m able to fully pursue my dreams, maintain a social life, and have financial stability.

 

Driving has taught me more about men than any father figure or boyfriend ever could. When they request a ride, they expect their driver to be their typical cabbie demographic. They make comments about their pleasant surprise from the expectation of being chauffeured by a middle-aged Nigerian male, as if my millennial, Caucasian blondness is an extra treat. We are alone in my car. Our brief interaction is private and intimate. Though most men are polite, many carry on a sense of entitlement.

They make themselves at home, tapping my shoulder and grazing my arm or knee when they feel like it. They help themselves to my vehicle’s temperature settings and reach for my iPhone charger without permission. They divulge details about their wife whose libido died after having their baby and proceed to compliment my legs. They ask me about my romantic status and request descriptions of my sexual fantasies. Every time I reject a man who asks me out or evade threats of one-star ratings if I do not go home with him, I am reminded of the impossibility for an attractive woman to have a perfect review. During our ride, I am their hostage.

My intuition has sharpened to a level I never thought possible. I can feel people when they get in my car. I immediately sense when they want to chat or play on their phone in solidarity. There have been moments where a stranger has gotten in my car, and I was immediately uncomfortable. But I never felt truly in danger until picking up Kris Leon Marshall*.

The Incident

It was around 6:45 pm on a Friday. I had made a personal rule to quit driving after midnight to avoid intoxicated passengers. Apple Cup, a yearly football game between the University of Washington Huskies and Washington State Cougars, had kicked off at noon, spawning packs of inebriated fans stumbling through the streets like Purple and Red zombies.

When I approached the bar, my Rideshare app had summoned me to, I drove past two guys standing on the sidewalk. They waved me down to indicate that they were my passengers. I needed to turn around to get to their side of the road, so I drove onto the next street. I pulled into a neighboring driveway, stopped, and paused. I considered canceling the ride and speeding off; I have no idea why. I decided not to.

It looks bad in the Rideshare system to cancel a lot of rides. I had driven all the way there, found my passengers, and had no reason to refuse them. So, I ignored my gut and pulled around the bar. Suddenly, a couple more guys appeared, carrying a burly thirty-something with strawberry blonde hair, a groomed beard, and dressed in Huskies gear. Everything about his appearance emulated the vulnerability of intoxicated handicap except for his eyes. He stared at me with blood-chilling intensity. I looked at his friend and started to tell him to take him back in. He was too drunk for me to drive. But they tossed him in my back seat, slammed my door, and scurried back inside the bar.

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We had a 13-mile ride ahead of us.

I was hoping he’d sleep through it, but he sat upright. He didn’t buckle his seatbelt. When I made turns, his entire body, from torso up, rolled from one side to another in my backseat like a punching dummy.

I’d seen it before. Just a month prior, an Uber driver, Edward Caban, had been attacked by Taco Bell executive, Ben Golden. Golden had been as drunk as my passenger, and when Caban told him to get out, Golden reached from the back seat and began beating Caban, yanking him by the hair before getting sprayed with mace.

I did not have mace or a camera.

Slurring, Marshall began making comments about how attractive I was. He asked me personal questions like my name and what I did for a living. I gave vague, brief responses, praying he didn’t vomit inside my car. As I pulled on the Interstate, I grew relieved by his sudden silence.

About five minutes through the I-5 north, we hit a bit of traffic, and I slowed to about 50 mph. Suddenly, he lunged from the back seat, grabbed my breast, and began kissing my neck and cheek.

Imagine the bewildering, fearful jolt that shakes you when a figure jumps at you in the dark. Now, imagine that happening while driving a vehicle on the Interstate. I nearly swerved into the medium before I could register that I was sexually assaulted.

“Stop!” I demanded.

He sat back in the seat for a moment and then lunged again, grabbing my breast once more, and continuing to kiss my neck and cheek.
“STOP!” I repeated. “You’re going to make me wreck.”

He finally backed off and curled onto my backseat, mumbling something about how he was “going to fuck me.”

Our destination was his home in Shoreline, the outskirts of Seattle. Most of the area is poorly lit and residential. I thought about what happened to Caban and the way his nearly unconscious passenger snapped. Marshall flared those same red flags but with a strong sexual undertone.

To my relief, he started snoring.  If his friends had to carry him to my car, I didn’t know how I was going to get him out of it.  If I tried, how would he react? I realized that was walking into a cliché rape scenario.

How I Handled the Sexual Assault

I pulled off the first exit and drove until I found a Fred Meyer crowded with shoppers.  Rather than the lot, I parked directly in front of the store, got out, locked him inside, and called the police.

I initially tried to downplay the fiasco the way women are brainwashed to do. He was drunk. Perhaps I had somehow led him on by driving my car, attempting to avoid conversation, and staring at the road. He hadn’t hit me or held a gun to my head. In hindsight, I saw the intention in his actions. Had Marshall buckled his seatbelt, he would not have been able to lunge at me.

When police pulled him out of my car, I stood mere feet away to watch his arrest. They asked him his name. He glanced at me and said it was James; not even close to Kevin Lee Marshall. He’d been through this before, making sure to hide his identity from me. As the cops were handcuffing him, Marshall looked at me, snapped his gums, and gave me a saucy wink.

Marshall had no remorse. Why would he?

Marshall being arrested from the sexual assualt
Marshall being taken away after I called the police

According to Rape Crisis Center, 1 in ever 6 Americans has been a victim of rape or attempted rape. Nine out of 10 are women. However, only 6% of rapists serve a day of jail time. Those are just the recorded statistics. Marshall is not the first man to sexually assault me. He is just the first one I’ve reported.

Upon reporting him, I’m under immediate scrutiny.  I tell people about the incident. They ask me if he was drunk as if alcohol smudges predatory intention into careless debauchery. They ask me what I was wearing. They consider a provocative ensemble entrapment.

There is no logic in Marshall’s defense. There was no reason for me to pick a stranger and falsely accuse him of sexual assault. However, to protect that freakishly rare chance of a woman accusing an innocent man, hundreds of thousands of rapists escape deserving reprimand every year.

This isn’t a Rideshare problem.  This isn’t a driver or a passenger problem. This is a male problem. Not every man has harassed a woman, but every woman has been harassed by a man.

I had my monthly appointment with my therapist a few weeks after my assault. She wanted to focus on the trauma I was feeling from it.
But truthfully, there is no trauma.

It seems that a man lunging up from the dark backseat of my car uninvited, unsolicited, to grab my breast and kiss my neck against my will while I’m driving on the Interstate would be emotionally detrimental, but I was well prepared for it.


I’ve been sexually harassed and assaulted my entire life.

The subtle perverted innuendo of inebriated blue-collar men was thrown my way from as early as age 12. I was raped at 16. And throughout young adulthood, have dealt with unsolicited, nonconsensual breast, ass, hair, waist groping, crotch grabbing, pinching, and caressing at bars, parties, or any other substance infused social gathering that women have learned to accept as the collateral damage of attending.  I brace myself for cat-calls when I walk down street alone because it happens every time I do.

I knew that it was a matter of time before their words turned into action before the verbal assault became physical.

The police told me I did the right thing. They praised me for staying calm. But I was ready. Running into a situation where rape was a serious possibility was inevitable.

The most traumatic aspect of my sexual assault isn’t the action, but the reaction.

What shakes me is that Marshall was arrested and released the following day with a misdemeanor, despite the fact that he’s been arrested twice before. What disturbs me is the disheartened tone of the clerk, receptionist, and detective, when they expressed the misfortune in the legal wrist, slaps our Justice System serves the masses of sexual predators. What haunts me is that Marshall is a bartender at a bowling alley, has a serious girlfriend, is a diehard Seattle Seahawks fan and is a groomsman at weddings. Marshall is nothing more than an average member of society.

I am not a uniquely unfortunate woman who has run into horrible luck with men. I am the norm. As a rideshare driver, the gratitude on the faces of my female passengers validates that statement. They get in my car with a sigh of relief and share their own harassment stories. Every single woman has lived a life of sexual assault, so fluent and accepted that we normalize it, shake it off, and remain silent.

But I am done being silent.

Check out  Maggie’s book, Just Another Number

Just another number-book by Maggie Young

*Names have been changed

Resources:

RapeCrises.com

Video Captures Attack on California Uber Driver Edward Caban

Why it’s a Big Deal That There are More Women Rideshare Drivers Than Ever Before

**This article contains affiliate links, and we will be compensated for any purchase made after clicking on them. Thank you for supporting Miss Millennia Magazine!**

My Uber Passenger Sexually Assaulted Me
Photo Credit: Pedestrian Photographer via Compfight cc

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22 Comments

  1. First, thank you so much for being brave enough to share your story. It’s ridiculous how this man was treated to only a slap on the wrist. I am appalled at the way men think this behavior is even remotely acceptable.

  2. Thank you for sharing your story, we definitely have all been there as females. Thankfully I have not had a run in with something like that in a long time, but as a kid it was my mom’s boyfriend. Totally sucks when it’s a parental figure. I am grateful to be an adult now.

  3. omg! What a freakin creep. My God. You were so brave and thank you so much for sharing this. We def have to be careful. 🙁

  4. It really is scary how easily these guys get away with it! That would be my fear as a woman driver for Uber. Thank you for sharing your story!

  5. This is so startling and scary! Firstly, I’ll be honest, I’m the one who’s usually afraid to get into a taxi by myself. I never think of the dangers of the actually taxi drivers. Thank goodness you followed your instinct and made a decision that could have saved your life!

  6. Wow, I can’t imagine how terrifying that must have been. I think you’re far nicer than I would have been. Calling the police was a good call on your part, I hate to think worse could have happened.

  7. You are incredibly brave to share your story. I love riding in Uber, but sometimes as a passenger I am nervous. I can’t even imagine how terrifying that this encounter must have been. You absolutely did the right thing. We have to change rape culture in this world. It’s not ok.

  8. What a terrifying story. I can’t imagine how terrifying that must have been. I applaud you for locking him in the car and calling the police. A long time ago I watched a security expert on Oprah. His book, The Gift of Fear, really taught me to listen to my instincts and not be afraid of how bad it looks. It could just save your life someday.

  9. This is just unforgivable. Kudos to you for staying calm and compose until the right time to call the police. He must ROT in jail for that kind of act.

  10. Kudos to you for doing the right thing a getting a voice. It is wrong for anyone to suggest you or anyone else in the same situation cause an assault. The book sounds like one I will have to check out. Thanks for sharing your story.

  11. I had a really hard time reading this… sexual assault is never easy to hear or share about and getting your voice out is so important! My daughter uses uber all the time and I have to admit when I know she has a female driver I know that I can relax. I hope the judge threw the book at that clown.

  12. This is a fantastic post and I’m so sorry you had to go through this but glad that you shared the story because this kind of behaviour is never ok and I’m utterly sick of the misogyny in our society and the aggression towards women that most of us experience at some point.

  13. That is the scariest thing I’ve read. You handled it so well. I’m not sure I could have done as well as you did.

  14. That’s really awful. I would never drive for one of those companies. You just never know who you might pick up. Scary stuff!

  15. Thats so crazy! Its sad to think there are scumbags like that in the world. Thankfully I’ve never been a victim of sexual assault, but I’ve had quite a few friends who were. Thankfully you kept your cool and got to the police.

  16. Bravo gal! Hats off to you, the way you raised your voice and tackled the entire situation. You are an inspiration to millions of young girls and women.

  17. What a scary situation. You handled it really well. I’m s sorry you have had to deal with that type of unexcusable behavior.

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