We scroll through our Facebook and Twitter feeds and see pictures of couples going out and vacationing, and we think, “I want that.” We walk down the street and see couples kissing or holding hands, and we can’t wait for that to be us. But we have to be sure that we’re ready for the emotional work that it takes to be in a relationship. Seeing the moments of the best points of a relationship that couples show, can blind us to the realities of it. Relationships can be hard at times and require some level of work. It’s important to take a chance to examine where you are in your life when thinking about getting into a relationship. Here are nine signs that you just might not be ready for a relationship.
You’re not over your ex
If you’re still obsessing about your ex, chances are, you’re not ready to be in a relationship. If you find that you’re still emotional when you think of the breakup or you’re regularly thinking about your ex, then you’re more than likely not over your ex and not ready to be fully present in another relationship. So take the needed time to be by yourself and grieve your past breakup. Use this time to reflect and learn from your past relationship. You’ll be better for it.
You’re still hurting
If you have any other un-addressed past pain from parents or someone else, it can enter your relationship and do some damage. So ensure that you take the time to work through any past issues. Whether you need to speak to the person directly, start journaling or talk to a professional. Decide how you’ll address this past hurt.
Relationships needs give and take. If you’re thinking only about what you can get out of a relationship, you’re most likely not ready to be in one. It may be helpful for you to talk to someone who’s in a healthy relationship and get an accurate idea of what a relationship entails. Ask them what benefits they’ve received and been sure to ask what they’ve given as well. Take time to understand what a healthy relationship is full.
You have low self-esteem
It’s important that you value and appreciate yourself before entering into a relationship. Otherwise, you risk being taken advantage of. Because if you don’t value and appreciate yourself, it’s likely other people won’t either.
Everyone will disappoint you at some time. If you haven’t come to terms with this, it will be tough for you to forgive your partner when they inevitably disappoint you. What’s causing you to have difficulty forgiving? Take the time to understand the reason why you’ve been feeling this way and address it. For a relationship to last, you’ll have to practice forgiveness because people make mistakes.
You have difficulty being alone
If you’re afraid of being alone and this is the reason why you want to be in a relationship, it may not be best for you to be in one. Why is it hard for you to be alone? There’s something there that needs to be addressed before you enter a relationship.
You think a relationship will fix all of your problems
If you think someone will come and save you from your problems, it’s important that you start to realize that this will likely not be the case. Instead, focus on and addressing your problems. Know that your problems would not go away once you enter a relationship, they just might get worse.
You don’t know who you are or what you want
If you have no idea what you want from a partner and no idea what you’re doing in life right now, a relationship will not clarify these things for you. Take some time to reflect on what you want in life and what you want from a partner and obtain some clarity before jumping into a relationship. If you do this, you’re more likely to find a partner who will meet your needs, because you’ll know what they are.
Relationships take work. It might be hard to believe this from all the romance media that makes it look so easy. But the reality is that relationships aren’t always easy. If this were the case, the divorce rate wouldn’t be so high. This isn’t to say that relationships always work because they’re not. But there will be times where you’ll have to figure things out together, make some changes, sacrifice, etc.
Healthy relationships require some emotional work. If you’re not able to do this work for any reason because of where you are in your life, it’s best to come to terms with this and take the time to focus on you and address whatever issues are present. But don’t rush into a relationship. Because if you do, you can cause yourself the unnecessary emotional pain and possibly your partner as well.