Ladies, the fact that I am writing this article seems almost silly to me. I would think that by now in 2017 we would recognize our tenacity and kick-ass-ness so that I don’t need to tell you why you should feel confident making the first move. However, I recognize that this is not true for all women. And I have learned that none of us make it until we have all made it. So here is some real talk on how you can feel confident making the first move.
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Tenacity and Kick Ass-Ness
As I said before, we are filled with tenacity and kick-ass-ness that makes us unstoppable. I mean did you see images or videos of the Women’s March back in January? If we can tackle that, I’m pretty sure we can tackle making the first move. Now I will admit I just saw the Vagina Monologues last night so I’m all hopped up on female power. But I feel that the first step in making you feel confident is to show why women have earned that confidence. You are a warrior female goddess that can do whatever (or whoever) she wants. You should literally stand in the mirror and say it to yourself over and over. “I am a warrior female goddess that can do whatever or whoever I want.” Feels pretty damn good, right?
People Like It
Now that we’ve got you feeling empowered, let’s talk about how your approach will affect the person you’re talking to. In a 2011 study, Dr. Michael Mills found that “more men preferred to be asked out (16 percent) than there were women who preferred to do the asking (6 percent). That difference suggests that 10 percent of men may be waiting quite a while for a woman to ask them out on a first date” (Bustle). Men find it extremely hot to be approached first so why wouldn’t you jump on that?! Now some people may be thinking, “well what if the guy feels emasculated because I didn’t let him make the first move?” Sweetheart, f**k him if that is his concern. We can do much better and find much better.
Plus, let’s think about it like this. If we are waiting around for a guy to approach us, then you are only getting slim pickings. You are literally taking what you can get. By you making the first move, you open up the scope to so many more options. I’m not going to keep being given French fries if I know that if I say something I could get onion rings. Feel me?
Benefits in Other Parts of Life
Imagine how this can affect your life in other ways. When you start taking charge in your dating life, that confidence is bound to spill over into other aspects as well. You could become more assertive in the office and more certain of yourself. “Women with confidence don’t seek approval or need any extra attention from others. Confidence doesn’t just manifest from nowhere, either; people with confidence also possess a sense of self — moreover, one that they take pride in.” Plus, I don’t care who you are, we all have some insecurities lying around that we just can’t shake. But with this confidence, it can help us to combat them day by day and become a better you.
With making the first move, we also help to rewrite the script of gendered dating roles. You making that first step can benefit generations of women to come after you. No longer will we have to fret about if he’ll make the first move or why hasn’t he called me. No! We can become one step closer to reaching gender equality (Vagina Monologues high still).
Still Need an Extra Push?
If you’re still not fired up yet and ready to take control, that's ok. I understand it is going to take more than this article for some. So here are some different things you could try. Get on Amazon and find some confidence building books. I know that for me sometimes I need to do some research before I change something about myself. Choosing ME Before WE: Every Woman’s Guide to Life and Love is actually a great book to check out! It helps to unlock your self-confidence and figure out what life or dating decisions are best for you.
If you’re not one to take the book route, maybe you should start with online dating. It can be so much less threatening to be chatting with someone on eHarmony versus there face to face. You can get to know each other virtually and when you’re ready, meet in person.
There are many different avenues for you to choose from to reach that level of confidence. I just hope that you are able to reach it because you are indeed a warrior female goddess that can do whatever or whoever you want.
Go forth and conquer my sisters!
Do you know of any other tips to feel confident in making the first move? Share them below in the comments section!