10 Important Things I Learned from Wedding Reality TV
As a college student, I have not yet experienced all of my friends rushing to the altar. I have also never been to a wedding. Thus, I have had to refer to the wisdom of wedding reality TV of TLC, Lifetime, and We.
From these guiding resources comes my perception of what happens in the process of planning a wedding (a.k.a. wedding planning by someone who has never attended a wedding):
- You can dye anything. Your dress, your veil, your bridesmaids, it doesn’t matter. If you go to the nearest high-end boutique, they will dye whatever you want (for a price, of course).
- It is impossible to stay under budget. You are either precisely on a budget or incredibly beyond. Someone explain to me how this happens.
The best way to cut down on your budget is to have a “how we met” story so heartwarming that a TV-famous wedding planner will come to the rescue and pay for the nearest unicorn zoo to set up camp in Buckingham Palace.
Your aunt will always have something to say about your dress. Everyone’s usually fine except the aunt. Her comments will most likely concern the weight of the bride.
Why do people continue to bring their aunts to their dress fittings? You’ve been warned.
The theme you have chosen before consulting an outside party is probably questionable. You might want to wait to confer with planner extraordinaire David Tutera before buying all the trimmings for your zombie-fisherman-themed reception.
Your cake can be made of magic. Want waterfalls flowing through your cake? Did you hope for a working carnival ride to function atop it? Never fear; anyone on Cake Boss can take care of it, and it’s “no problem.”
Someone might try to steal your thunder. “Mom, why are you also buying a white dress and a veil?”
Dads know more than you’d think about dresses. “Honey, the detailing on that hemline is fantastic! The empire waist is stunning on your figure.”
Employees at bridal salons and bakeries will be your go-to family therapists and life coaches. Any familial conflict should be brought to your nearest salesperson so they may take each individual family member aside and counsel them. This will eventually result in a touching reconciliation…and the sale of a very expensive item in the store from which said salesperson receives commission.
No matter what, the wedding will be so beautiful that everyone will cry (even the aunt that hated the dress). I like to think this one is accurate.
Maybe I’ll have to wait to go to a wedding to find out how much truth these observations hold, but until then, I’d use them as lessons. When things get crazy, even on the most important day of your life (or, in this case, someone else’s), try to find some humor in the chaos that is wedding reality TV.
