Dealing with Distance: Preparing Yourself for the Long Distance Relationship

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With your life changing as fast as it does when you’re a millennial, there will be a time where you may find yourself in a position you’ve never thought you would be in. What I’m talking about is the dreaded long distance relationship. Maybe one of you went off to grad school or even moved to a new city for a job, but this is different from when your significant other goes off to college when you’re still in high school, because guess what? Now, you’re an adult! The truth is long distance relationships are hard, but by being honest and creative, you can make it work. Trust me, I’m in one.

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Honesty

So you got your dream job, but it’s across the country. It is now time to make a choice if you want to continue your relationship with your partner. No matter what, you need to know that your choice is right for you. It’s true, not everyone can handle a long distance relationship, especially if you aren’t coming back anytime soon. If you think you won’t be able to handle the nights of loneliness, being around people with their partners, or even that one drunken night at the club, then end it. It’s rough, but dealing with the pain and shame of your choices when you aren’t honest with your partner is much worse. The same goes on the flip side; you cannot be mad at your partner if they do not want to continue a relationship with you long distance; honestly, if you can’t handle the distance then you maybe shouldn’t be together. However, don’t let distance scare you from looking at other opportunities, and don’t hold your partner back. For example, in my pre-relationship stages with my current boyfriend he received an internship opportunity in Canada. Although he was super hyped about it, he was also scared to go out of fear of losing me. I didn’t want the idea of him losing such an awesome opportunity to fall on my shoulders so I told him of course I wouldn’t care. We lost a whole summer, and didn’t end up actually becoming official until February, but it was still worth it. You’re in a very fast paced part of your life; don’t let certain fears pull you back from going for you goals.

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Communication

It seems obvious, but when you don’t physically see someone, communication becomes the most vital aspect of your relationship. It is how your partner will know what you are feeling, what you are doing, and how you will know the same for your partner. Our generation is lucky that we have so many options for communication. Texting is a super easy way to talk to your partner throughout the day; however, texting shouldn’t always be the only way you communicate. Now I know, not everyone is a phone person, but it is refreshing to hear your partner’s voice on the phone, to hear tones and have a more intimate feeling then with text. Even better is using video calling, such as Skype or even Facetime. Seeing your partner reminds you why you’re trying so hard to make this relationship work because you get to see the person you love. Although communication is important, you have to remember that people do get caught up with themselves. So don’t freak out if your partner hasn’t texted you in two hours, because it’s likely they are busy. Try to make it a point to have a time where you guys can have a consistent conversation. Perhaps make a weekly Skype call or text each other till you fall asleep—whatever works for you just make sure you are talking.

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Creativity

It’s going to happen. You’re going to be pent-up with a bunch of sexual frustration and not know what to do with yourself. Or, you’re going to come home and cry because you’re tired of being surrounded by couples. It sucks, but if you’re creative your partner can be there, even when they aren’t. Tackling the first problem, you’re going to want to have sex and not have your partner to satisfy that need. First of all, it’s okay to feel that way; you’re an adult in an adult relationship. No judgments, I promise. Granted there are options like sexting or phone sex, (I’m sure there is even a Skype sex term I don’t know) but there is a lack of intimacy with that. Don’t fear, there is ways to get off without feeling alone. To begin with, there is actually this awesome vibrator that your partner can control through an app. Interesting, (and yes expensive) but it is a way for you to lose control and connect with your partner on an intimate level without actually being together. There is also the fun clone a willy if your partner is male. You get the picture. The second is dirty letter writing. Remember that raunchy letter in Atonement? Yeah, when you’re feeling all hot and bothered write exactly what you want your partner to do. Then mail it up and send it out. That little unexpected gift in your partner’s mail box is going make them smile and then some. On to the second problem, yes, you’re going to feel unbearably lonely sometimes. What you can do is send little gifts to each other. For Valentine’s Day, which is also my very cliché anniversary, my boyfriend made me a deck of cards that had 52 reasons why he loved me. Granted, it’s not that cuddle time I wanted, but if I’m feeling lonely I can read through those cards and get that warm feeling.

The Truth About Long Distance Relationships

I said it once and I’ll say it again, long distance relationships suck. However, it makes you and your partner stronger. If you think you’ll be able to handle it, it’s worth it. You have to keep looking forward and know that one day you two will be able to continue your relationship together.

Remember, you’ll see each other again. And it will probably be something like this, maybe.