The dating game has changed so much since our parents‘ dating days. It is common to split the check, you aren’t necessarily looking for marriage right away, and there is now the trend of sexting. Ah yes, sexting! Sexting is probably one of my favorite things because it gives you a chance to see what this person’s sexual interests are before hopping in bed. You can see just how far they’ll go or if they go too far. However, sexting can be tricky. You don’t want to give too little but you also don’t want to come out of the gates racing. So here is an easy beginner's guide to sexting like a pro!
What exactly is sexting?
For those who are unsure, sexting is a combination of sex and texting. It is a flirtatious text that gives off an aura of sexual relations. Google Definitions defines it exactly as, “send[ing] (someone) sexually explicit photographs or messages via cell phone.” While this definition gets to the point, it is much broader than that. You don’t have to sext through the phone. Some do it through email or certain apps. Whichever mode of conversation does it for you can be considered sexting.
More common than you think
For those of you who don’t sext, you might not because you feel that you don’t want to be “that person.” However, sexting is a lot more common than you think. In a 2015 APA study, researchers found that “88 percent of their 870 participants reported ever having sexted and 82 percent reported they had sexted in the past year. Nearly 75 percent said they sexted in the context of a committed relationship and 43 percent said they sexted as part of a causal relationship” (American Psychological Association). See! A well-respected psychological association found this to be true so you know it’s real! What’s even more amazing is that “the researchers found that greater levels of sexting were associated with greater sexual satisfaction, especially for those in a relationship” (American Psychological Association). This can be beneficial to your sex life! Some married couples sext to bring the spice back into their relationship because it can be fun. It can also allow you to explore your more spontaneous and adventurous side if face-to-face is too intimidating at first.
There is a lot you can do with sexting so it is much easier to start with the don’ts. Elite Daily provides these things to avoid so you can have a much sexier sexting conversation.
- Don’t sext before actually having sex
- Before I even read this I was thinking it. Sexting and then having sex can be a real let down. You can feel a complete let down if the actual sex is nothing like the sexting. Sexting is an outlet to talk about these ideas, so immediately jumping to do it can really suck. Or you can have sex right away if you have only been sexting about something y’all have done before.
- Don’t use emoticons
- Something about using emoticons is creepy and not sexy. I mean its cool to use the kissy face every now and then but if an eggplant or peach emoji pops up it is a complete turnoff.
- Don’t write a novel
- Don’t sext more than one person at a time
- Elite Daily says “don’t be a hooker” but I can’t say that. I am not saying to not text more than one person at a time, but don’t sext people in the same sitting. Not only does it feel wrong but you can easily get confused and forget where you’re at in your conversations. That can take a turn for the worst.
When it’s appropriate
There is a right time and right place to sext. For example, don’t sext in a meeting but maybe do when you’re alone in your office. Sext while you’re in bed, but don’t sext while driving (don’t text and drive at all). I would choose a time when you’re not around family or small children. Just think about this before you sext. Does this feel right to talk about while I am in close proximity to these people? I wouldn’t in front of my family but I would in front of my close friends because I’m going to show them the conversation later anyways.
You also want to be careful where you sext because someone could be looking over your shoulder. You know we all do it. The wandering eyes that peer into others lives. Well, you don't want those eyes reading what you're talking about. I have to admit that I once peered over someone's shoulder and read her texts and couldn't look at her the same ever again. While this was definitely my fault and I learned my lesson, it could have been prevented if she were alone. Also, all mothers are nosy. I love you mom but it's true. They can't handle that their child has grown up and moved out of the house. So they like to peer over our shoulder or look at what is on our phones when it lights up. Unless you want to have that conversation with your mother, sext somewhere else.
Sexting can be exciting! It can help you find your inner freak and a sexual freak that is compatible with you. But be careful of the don’ts because you don’t want to become a sexting failure. Overall, though, have fun! Sexting is not supposed to be so serious. Just go crazy!
Do you have any tips on sexting? Share them below in the comments section!