There’s something exciting about going into a roommate situation completely blind. Facebook has managed to spoil the fun of walking into your new place not knowing a single thing about your possible friend or enemy. Whether you’re just starting college or consider yourself the ‘roommate whisperer,’ you’re bound to encounter some different personalities. Living with strangers—or even friends—breeds conflict in some constructive and terrifying ways. Read on for profiles of five kinds of roommates you could live with.
1. Your Soulmate
It doesn’t matter how it happened, just that it did. You have found “the one” and you will never, ever, sign a lease with another person again—until you meet your romantic soulmate. They are the perfect roommate. Their schedule is in sync with yours and their cleaning habits are mercifully identical. You never fight over fridge space, utilities, or guests. You make time to hang out with each other, as if living together and using the same toilet weren’t enough to bond together like molecules. You have adorable wine and Netflix-binging nights. Staying in sounds much better than going out, unless you’re taking your roomie with you.
2. The Demon
You don’t exactly recall entering through the gates of Hell that fateful morning, but it was obvious from the moment you set down your box of precious ceramic cow mugs that you were not going to get along with this roommate. They are antagonistic, heartless, and anal about every single thing. Maybe it’s the neat freak who cannot tolerate clutter or trash of any kind. Maybe they’re just an adult-sized toddler who leaves a path of destruction in their wake anytime they enter the kitchen or bathroom. You’ve been rubbed the wrong way many times and you’ve tried to be patient. But the worst part is they’re blaming you for the tension and bad juju going around the apartment. You two are constantly at odds and it’s obvious you’re just not working. Remove yourself from this situation immediately.
3. The “Katy Perry”
They are so hot and cold, you feel like you need a detailed schedule of their daily mood swings. One minute thhey’re baking you gluten-free cookies because they understand your sensitive stomach, the next minute they’re leaving messages for your ex-boyfriends, telling them you cry about them in your sleep. The bitch-mode can never be predicted, thus prompting you to always be on red-alert or out of the house. You never know when they might start a fire over accidentally-deleted episodes of The Good Wife.
4. The Alien From Another Planet
They’re not just an out-of-towner. They live on a completely different planet. You cannot relate to this random roommate in any possible capacity. Their hobbies are at the opposite end of the spectrum and they spend the midnight hours doing God-knows-what. You are in a constant state of wonder over their activities and (lack of) personal hygiene, and cannot fathom what they do for fun. Perhaps they breed iguanas or mend broken dolls? Keep your door locked; you do not trust this weirdo.
5. The Stage 5 Clinger
When you answered the Craigslist add, your priorities were safety, space, and money. All three categories were happily fulfilled by this normal-looking person. The first few weeks progressed happily enough. You watch the same shows, have the same morning and night routines, and they are happy to hang out with your friends on movie nights. But after a month or so, you realize they’re really, really into you. They can’t seem to stay away; you’re just so fascinating. While you’re flattered that they’ve come to love you like family, you’re kind of creeped out by all the attention. They baked you a cake with your face on it that says, “Happy First Day of Your Period.” (It’s chocolate, naturally.) Extracting yourself from this situation can get messy. Consult legal help if the situation worsens, like if they tattoo your name on their face.
Roommates can be some of the greatest friends you’ll ever have. Or, they’ll be the lead characters in some of the weirdest stories you’ll tell at parties. They influence how we live and how happy we are in our homes. Take extra precautions when scrolling through that list on Craigslist to really make sure the person seems like someone with whom you could be compatible, or at least bearable. Regardless of your success in selecting, treat your roomies with respect. Most likely, they’ll do the same. Don’t forget that may be viewing you as one of the above types too!
Click here to read some shocking and juicy roommate tales.