Lol lol lol. That used to be my response when people would ask how you can date when you have a busy life. There does not even seem to be a real option. If you are a busy person, that probably means you have zero to little time for personal things let alone dating. Is it all about getting the necessary things done and getting out right? Wrong! Of course, you can have a dating life even if you are a busy person. There is no need to think you will live a lonely life. Just like with everything else in your hectic schedule, you have to be strategic with your dating life. So have no worries! Here is how you can dominate dating when you live a busy life.
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As I was saying before, dating while having a busy life can be simple. You just need to be strategic about it. Make it like any of your other plans and that way you can have it all! So first you want to
Choose to Prioritize
The first thing you have to do when you decide to start dating with a busy life is prioritize. That is right. Prioritize the idea of dating in your mind.
We always say were too busy but if this is something important to you then you need to give it space in your life. Starting saying to yourself that you do have time and will make time to date otherwise you will always think there is no time. “Make a conscious decision that this is a priority in your life…otherwise you will always put it off until next week, or next month” (Verily). By thinking it, you will be able to speak it into existence.
Verily goes on to say that a great way to do this is “to ask a friend to hold you accountable. Tell your friends about your decision to prioritize dating and maybe even enlist her (or them) as a wingman at social events or as your Wednesday night online dating buddy—open a bottle of wine and respond to those unopened greetings from the mysterious men in your inbox” (Verily). So telling your friends will help hold you to prioritizing your love life. Because who besides you would want to see you happy? Your friends!
Aside from having your friends hold you accountable, you just have to genuinely want it. Dr. Jessica O’Reilly said it best that “we can all rearrange schedules for things that we really want. If Oprah called you tomorrow and asked you to lunch, you’re probably going to find a way to make it work” (Refinery29).
This is so true! Be true to yourself that this is something you want and are willing to be flexible and having your schedule rearranged at times.
Create Your Own Dating Standards
Creating your own dating standards might be one of the most important to dating when you live a busy life. Aside from making it a priority, you have to be willing to create your own dating standards.
So often we take what we see in the movies, on television, or hear from our friends as to how dating should go. What works for fictional characters or your friends does not have to work for you. Each person is different to the dating approach. When you think of it like this, you are able to see so much time freed up.
Maybe you do not have time to do the whole dinner and a movie. Nix it! Go grocery shopping together, just grab a coffee, do something that fits more into both of your time schedules.
Dr. O’Reilly goes on to add that you have to really define the term “date” to what it means for you. “You don’t necessarily have to meet for dinner. Dating has shifted to ‘hanging out,’ so you can meet for a quick, simple coffee instead” (Refinery29). Once again she is right on the money! “
If you and your potential S.O. work near one another, you can try to leave the office for an hour to get to know one another” (Refinery29). See! This does not take up too much time and allows you a chance to connect with someone potentially great. It is all about strategizing.
Now if something like this does not work for you and you do not want to meet a date near your job or dating for you is not just hanging out, Dr. Dawn Michael provides a different solution. “The easiest way to open yourself up is to build in time that you make no plans. You might consider keeping one night a week free as your ‘date night’ — and if you don’t happen to have a hangout planned that night, just take the evening to spend some time decompressing solo” (Refinery29).
So whether you have a date that night or not, it ends up a win-win. You can either focus on meeting someone new or having some unwinding time.
Don’t Worry About the Risks
That heading sounds a little sketchy, huh? Well, stick with me here.
A common option for dating when you have a live a busy life is online dating. It is quick, can be done from anywhere, and can often time help you wheedle out duds before meeting them. This cuts down on time and still puts yourself out there.
If you are dating and live a busy life, I am betting you have already tried (or are trying) online dating at the moment. That is good and I fully support that as a smart option. Online dating sites like Match.com and eHarmony are like beacons for the busy individual.
Well, a common fear for those that have not tried online dating is the fear of someone seeing their profile. What if someone from my office sees this or some old friends? I do not want them to think I am pathetic or desperate.
Here’s the deal.
Online dating has become so normalized that if they are still having those thoughts, it is on them not you. Plus, what is wrong with you trying to find happiness? You are actively taking control of your dating life and have made the decision to be happy. You are just approaching dating through a format that best works for you. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Also, if they see your picture on a dating site, keep in mind they are on there as well. Now with that said “you may want to rethink putting super-sexy pictures of yourself online or saying things in your profile that you would not want people at work to know about you otherwise. E.g., Killing time at the firm until Prince Charming comes along!” (Corporette). This example Corporette gives cracks me up because who would say something like that.
But I think you get the hint that you do not want to say something that makes you seem unprofessional and could actually come back to bite you.
Talk First Before Meeting
Now when I say talk first before meeting each other, you want to find the perfect balance.
As you know, online dating has many pros and cons. A common con is that people get so wrapped up talking through electronics that they create this imaginary relationship in their mind. Or when they do meet in person it is incredibly awkward and the whole time has been a waste.
However, you also want to talk first to see if this is even someone you want to meet. While it would be nice to meet everyone we match with online, there is just not enough time. Plus, realistically you are not going to want to meet everyone. That can become such an emotional drain. So you have to find that perfect balance.
Corporette suggests talking to the prospective date on the phone for at least 15 minutes before you meet. I would agree with this. So yes, while it is still talking over some form of electronic, it is a bit different.
How can you actually use this?
Well talking on the phone forces you to speak honestly and in the moment. Texting or messaging can be so polished and over thought. You want to get a feel for who this person really is.
When you think about it, when you meet for a date you will not have time to stop and think of the best response to say. Talking on the phone puts you in the moment and gives a rough estimate of what to expect from a date. Corporette calls it “my psycho test. Go with your gut here — if you get even the slightest bad feeling from this guy, do not meet him in person” (Corporette). I would agree that this also gives you a chance to see if you get a bad vibe but also tells you if you may mesh well or not.
If you do not get a feeling from talking on the phone, then maybe you should not meet up. Once again this helps you to weed out certain people and save time.
Now I do not agree with this being a “psycho test” because not all people may not come across great on the phone but agree with the other aspects of it.
Communication, Communication, Communication
Just like with any relationship, communication is key.
You have to be ready to have open and honest communication if you are hoping for anything to work. This is especially important for dating when you live a busy life. There is no time to be beating around the bush about things and having things remain unclear. “Open and honest communication is at the heart of making a busy relationship work. Speak your thoughts and feelings before they start to fester” (Red Lipstick Project).
If you are unable to have effective and honest communication during the dating phase, how do you think things will go over when you enter a relationship. I could be wrong, but it is not like you are going to become less busy once you enter a relationship. This is an important tool needed during dating.
That’s not all.
You want to be open and honest but also keep the other person’s feelings in mind.
“By practicing kindness and consideration, dating can be a fun, meaningful experience that does not leave the other person with emotional pain and heartache. Place yourself in their position and show respect. Allow your date to know that they can trust you because of how you treat them!” (BMWK).
There are two great videos to help with communication. The first is how to speak to people with better communication skills, which can be beneficial for any situation but especially while dating when you live a busy life. The second is perfect for when you enter a relationship and can have 6 key strategies to have effective communication.
Just because you live a busy life, it does not mean you have to end up alone. Millions of people have found a way to make it work around their hectic lives and so can you. The biggest factor is you have to prioritize your dating life and decide that you deserve the same chances as anyone else. With these key tips, you too can dominate dating when you live a busy life. I will leave you with these wise words from Forbes. This is from Forbes yall so you know it is good.
“Above all, make sure to remember that there can be no work-life balance when there’s no life at all” (Forbes).
Do you live a busy life and are trying to date? Do you have any advice not listed above? Share it below in the comments section!
Red Lipstick Project