When to Get Financially Naked With Your Partner
Your heart is racing. You start to sweat a little. You nervously wonder if your breath is okay or if you shouldāve brushed your teeth one more time. Goosebumps start to run up your arms, even though it is a hot summerās night. Itās the moment youāve been feeling sick with anticipation over. Youāre finally going to get naked with your partner ā financially naked.
Itās a monumental step that occurs at some point in adult relationships. You share your financial goals, your debt burdens, whether youāre a saver or a spender and ultimately determine if that person sitting across from you is truly compatible with your desires.
It Always Comes Out
Even if you donāt have an official talk to get financially naked ā it always comes out.
It can be obvious when you move in together. Or when you talk about the type of wedding youād have. Whether youād send children to private or public schools. The type of hotels you want to stay in while on vacation. Do you buy a car in cash, lease it or take out a loan? Is eating out a priority in your relationship? Who pays for dates? What are the expectations for gift giving? There are hundreds of little ways to flag to your partner what your financial priorities are without even opening up your mouth to discuss the taboo topic.
Couples seeking to create a strong foundation upon which to build a long-lasting relationships must actually sit down and get financially naked.
āAnd then I found out he/she had debtā¦ā
Too many times that line is written or spoken during stories about couples repaying debt. Itās amazing how many couples get married without ever disclosing debt burdens. Itās selfish and itās the wrong way to go about starting a life together.
Itās important to know: it is your business.
Once youāve reached a point where you plan to commit your life to another person, you need to have a frank conversation about money. It is your business whether or not your partner has debt. It is your business how that debt is going to be repaid. As soon as youāre legally bound to one another, that debt will affect your life too.
When Do You Start Taking Off Layers?
Each couple will approach getting financially naked in a different way. Some may want to expose themselves early on, while others are more modest and need time to become comfortable and feel safe.
Itās your prerogative to share as much or as little as you want in the early stages of a love affair. But once the relationship turns from casual dating to āI could live with this personā itās probably time to take off a layer.
At the very least, you need to be talking about how you budget and how youāre going to split the bills. Plus, you should be prepared for the other person to see your bank statements or savings when youāre talking numbers with a relator or potential landlord.
When Is It Time for Full Frontal?
Once you begin to cohabitate, itās extremely hard to hide your financial quirks.
If you donāt plan to live together before marriage, then you should go full frontal with your finances around the same time you start searching Google for the perfect engagement ring.
Entering into a life-long commitment with someone should involve being completely transparent about your finances and your expectations for your financial future.
As a couple youāll need to discuss how you plan to budget, how much of your salaries should be saved, when youād want to retire, how much it would take to retire, do you have any debts and how you plan to pay them down, will one partner stay home with kids or will both work and you need to factor in childcare, do you want to rent or own property?
It may feel overwhelming, but starting the conversation early prevents debt and financial resentment being transmitted in the relationship.
How Do You Start the Conversation?
Both partners need to feel heard and comfortable enough to be vulnerable about getting financially naked. Donāt get judgmental about your partnerās past mistakes and expect the same respect in return.
Sit down in a neutral territory and start to have an open dialogue about money. All the topics donāt need to be covered at once, but big topics like debt and savings goals should be discussed early.
Once youāre married, remember you are a team. Whether you decide to bank separately or jointly, you still need to think about money in terms of a āweā instead of a āmeā. Help each other through difficult times ā like paying off student loans ā and support each other by creating incentives to reach savings goals.
An open dialogue about money will help negate a lot of issues in your future, so the sooner you get financially naked, the better.
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I never even heard the term “financially naked partner” before – guess I’m showing my age š
This is an important thing to discuss when you get serious. Before then, it’s up to you!
I very much agree that this is such an important & sensitive topic to discuss & make sure both are straight forward on this before entering in to a long term commitment in life. An open dialogue always gets the best results!