One of the best things about being a woman in this day and age is our freedom to articulate exactly what we want in a potential mate. Our unique “types” of men (or women, or both) is an oft overlooked luxury that many women as little as a generation ago, simply did not have. We can sometimes fail to see the benefit of our own decisive behavior. Knowing what we want isn’t bad, as long as we don’t let it limit us.
The main benefit of having a type is that it helps us to know where to direct our flirtations. For me, when I walk into a bar, grocery store, party, restaurant or any other place that may have potential mates, I immediately scan the room for guys that fit the physical ‘type’ that I prefer. If there is a bearded guy with thick-rimmed glasses, an obscure band name on his t-shirt, making references to the late 90s British TV show Spaced, I know he’s the guy I want to talk to. I don’t have to waste my time making eyes at anyone else. In public situations like these, it’s more than ok to judge books by their covers. At the same time, if a guy that doesn’t fit my particular profile of choice happens to strike up a conversation with me, I’m careful not to shoot him down. It’s hard to know who common ground could be found with, so my mind remains open.
Having a clearly defined type has saved me a lot of grief in the past. Because all of my friends know the kinds of guy I normally go for, and I know the same about them, we often don’t have to worry about any awkward competitions. There is a mutual respect we have for one another when it comes to our types. It helps us when fixing each other up with guys as well. Friends know not to send me out on a blind date with a guy who knows nothing about something I’m an expert on. At the same time, I know not to go for a guy that has the qualities my best friend looks for.
It’s important not to get stuck on a certain type though. There was a time when I dated three guys in a row that were notorious for getting into fights. I liked to their passion, their brawn, and their physique; but each of them had a glaring flaws that I couldn’t see. Over and over I would fall into whirlwind relationships with that inevitably ended with me dumping them because I got sick of getting kicked out of bars and concerts. Because short-tempered tough guys were my “type,” I continued to date them, even though I knew how and why the relationship would end. I got locked into my type instead of trying someone slightly different. Had I done that, I would have saved myself a lot of wasted time and two bad relationships.
Knowing what we want and being able to get it is a privilege. Now that I’m older and wiser, I strive to use it more wisely. I will keep scanning rooms for guys that fit my type, but I’m not afraid to stray from the path every once in a while. I can constantly change and alter the attributes I’m drawn to in a man until I find one that’s just the right type for me.
