Breaking up with someone can be difficult. It can also be difficult if the other person decides to break up with you, but there are a few things that you can do to try and make it easier on yourself and them. If you are coming out of a long-term relationship, then here are some tips that will help you.
Set Smaller Goals
When you go through a break-up, you may find that you undergo a mysterious wave of anger or
even grief. You may feel as though you are standing alone on a beach, looking out at the vast sea with no clear sign of direction. The main thing that you have to remember here is that you are absolutely not alone. So many people go through the feelings that you are right now, but you do need to focus on the good times where possible. Sure, the ultimate goal is to grow old with someone but right now, focus on yourself, laugh a little bit, and find someone who shares the same interests as you. Enjoy the fun things in a new relationship when you’re ready, such as long walks, the first kiss or even watching a movie together. These are small moments that will really help you to create the loving relationship you are looking for.
Always have a Deadline
This can be difficult, but sometimes you need a deadline if you want to give yourself a push. This could be six months, a year or even two years. After this time, you need to push yourself to get back on the dating scene. If you find someone before this time then that is great, but if you don’t then you have a time limit for your own well-being.
By doing this, you can help to stop yourself from looking too far into the future and worrying about being lonely. Of course, the last thing that you want to do is push yourself when you are not ready. This will only end up in disaster, and it may also make it even more difficult for yourself in the future as well. If you need more time, then give yourself that.
Jealousy is Completely Normal
You may find yourself looking up your ex on social media from time to time, and this is normal. You may be wondering if they have deleted your photos together or even to find out if they have met someone new. Jealousy and bitterness are very dark feelings to say the least, but they are normal. Sometimes your uglier qualities can come through when you are going through a breakup, and it is important to embrace them. You do however need to let them go eventually. If this means unfriending them or unfollowing them on social media, then this is a positive step and it can really help you with the healing process.
Don’t Bad Mouth Them
It feels good to trash talk about your ex. You may do this to your friends, or even to your family. You have to remember that your health and happiness should not be dependent on pain of someone else. Refrain from putting them down, and move on with your own life. You will feel better about yourself and this will also help you to move on as well. If possible, you may also want to ask your friends what they thought about you during your breakup. Did they feel as though your relationship wasn’t doing you any favours? Sometimes having an objective perspective can really help you to grasp the other side of your relationship. This is different to bad-mouthing, and it gives you the chance to learn from your mistakes.
Don’t Stay Friends Right Away
Sure, you might want to suggest that you “stay friends” right away, or they might. You should refrain from doing this however. This is an impulse reaction and it usually happens because you don’t want to make the breakup more serious than it is. The truth is that it can be hard to know if you really want to be friends after a relationship. Sometimes it can be too difficult, or the other person just wants more. Either way, you are not admitting defeat by saying no to being friends. It doesn’t make you a weaker person and sometimes it is the best thing to do. Just make sure that you are polite and reasonable throughout the whole process.
Don’t Get Drink Alone
If you feel the impulse to get drunk after a break-up then chat with some friends instead. Being drunk alone is never a good thing, and when you have broken up with someone you may find that you are in a fragile place. The last thing that you want is to drunk-text them and you also don’t want to do something you’ll regret later, such as posting to social media. If you are
struggling with not drinking, then it may be worth looking into a teen treatment center.
It’s always a good idea for you to spend a lot of time outside. Fresh air really helps you to clear your head, and so does seeing the sun once in a while. You need to take two hours out of every day to leave your cave, or your home. Shutting yourself inside won’t be helping you at all, and even though you don’t feel like going out, you need to push yourself. This will really help you to get those endorphins going and it will also give you the perspective you need to think about everything that has happened so far.
Get in a Good Routine
When you break up with someone, you may feel as though your whole world has shattered. Your routine may change, and you may feel lost not having anyone to talk to at night. By going to bed early, you can get yourself in a routine and you can also do your body a world of good. Avoid staring at the screen until the early hours of the morning, and also try your best to focus on yourself. Sure, you may be sat there wondering what they are doing right not but it really doesn’t matter. This is your time, and the more you can enjoy it, the better.
Allow yourself chance to Cry
Sometimes, you just need to give yourself chance to cry when you need to. This will stop you from feeling overwhelming emotion when you are at work or even at the supermarket. It’s completely normal for you to feel this way after a breakup, even if it was your decision to end the relationship. Remember that this time will pass, and that you will eventually be right where you want to be.
Don’t Try and Get Them Back
You may be tempted to try and get your ex back. This is something that you should avoid as much as possible. Try and go out somewhere with your friends, decorate your house or spend some time with a loved one. Either way, you have to do something for yourself. If you don’t then you may eventually make bad decisions, and this can really affect you at a later date.
Write a Heartbroken Letter
It can help sometimes, to get all of your feelings down on paper. Write what you need to say on an email, but don’t send it out. Leave the address blank in the “send” bar. This way, if you do hit send by accident, you don’t have to worry about it. This can help you in more ways than one. If you want to try and help yourself to get started then think about the emotions you are going
through, or try and start with all the things you find frustrating.
Avoid Posting the Details on Facebook
You may be tempted to let all of your feelings loose on Facebook or another social media site for example. This can sometimes help, but you do have to make sure that you aren’t going too overboard. The main reason for this is because if you do then you may go on to regret it. Sure, you are going through a hard time and it does help to talk, so get with your favourite friends or even meet up with a sibling.
Have a Bath
Having a bath can really help you to relax at the end of a long day. You might be tempted to have a shower, but you shouldn’t. Baths give you the chance to process your thoughts and they can also help you to relax every muscle in your body as well. By taking the time out of your day to have one, you can then get yourself in a good routine and you can also use some nice, expensive bath salts as well. Treat yourself, invest in some bubble bath and know that you are absolutely worth it. This will boost your confidence and it will also help you with your state of mind too.