Let’s start this off with my own harsh reality: I am no longer 18. I am now that adult who uses slang words like “cool!” and “sweet!” because, during my golden years of being a teenager who lived near the beach, that was still in. And those slang words would never be outdated right?
Well, I suppose our parents had the same thought when they threw around words like “groovy” and “right on.” So when did my coolness go out of style? Did everyone get the update but me? I mean, how many times are slang words going to change, and who is on the committee that decides what’s in and what’s out?
Let’s be honest for a moment (or, let’s be real here, as I’ve been told to say) no one wants to feel old, but it’s inevitable, and if it’s not because of your fashion sense, the “throwback” songs on the radio, or that strand of gray hair, it’s because you can no longer understand the slang words everyone is using. Let’s review, shall we?
What? What is a bae? Naturally, my first impression was that someone forgot the “b” in “babe,” and that spellcheck was now a thing of the past. With the way that slang was being used, it could very well have been a lazy “babe” right?
Perhaps a much more modern way of nicknaming your beloved. I was perfectly fine living with this idea until someone at work so kindly informed me that bae actually stands for “before anyone else.” Well, at least they’re being a little clever about it, and I suppose it’s a nice thought that you’re putting me before everyone else.
However, doesn’t this kind of come with the restriction that you can only call one person in your life bae? Since that person is supposed to be before anyone else, it’s safe to assume you only have one such person in your life. I’m willing to bet money that isn’t that case, but I'll move on from that point. I do feel like it is important to end with this: Google the Danish meaning of bae. I bet you’ll think twice before calling anyone else that ever again.
This is probably the worst of the slang words. The first time I heard this out loud, I thought the person told me they were “on fleet,” causing me to ask which naval fleet they’d be shipping off on, and when they would return. Imagine the looks.
Admittedly, this one took a while to sink in. I’d hear it a lot more than I care to admit, quite likely giving away the reality that I’m surrounded with people a lot cooler than I am (if you consider such a thing cool, anyway). It never quite bothered me that I didn’t completely understand the meaning until the day I heard Wendy Williams use it on TV.
Let me paint the picture for you. From time to time, when it gets too quiet at work, I turn to my handy dandy (how’s that for a throwback slang word) earbuds and find my dear friend Wendy Williams on YouTube. I am a fan, yes, I love her gossip and I’m not ashamed to admit that much. Well, when my dear aunt Wendy broke out the “on fleek,” I knew it was time to learn what it meant. After all, I can’t have Wendy know slang words I don’t!
Now, from what I can decipher, it means something along the lines of being in style, hot, and on point. Am I in the ballpark here? My first thought was that I couldn’t possibly be the only person who was completely confused as to why “on point” had to change to “on fleek,” but perhaps the most bothersome of all, is the idea that someone started this and that it actually trended enough to suddenly be a global-wide recognized slang word for being “on point.” Again, I’d really like to meet the committee who votes on all this.
This one is just lazy, they just added a “t” to a word that already exists. I mean, at least “bae” and “fleek” are new additions. Alright, this is one that I actually made an effort to learn, because it was everywhere—and it still is.
When it becomes part of my daytime TV (please don’t judge me), it’s time to get in the know. Apparently, it’s a slightly more hip way of saying inebriated…do people still use the word hip? Or has it been reduced to its single meaning when referring to one’s body part, instead of the slang word for cool? I'm getting off topic here.
Aside from meaning inebriated, apparently this gem can also refer to a place or event when said place or event is fun. Can we just use the term fun? It’s much shorter, and no one will be confused, and it’ll save us all the shock of incorrectly assuming a person or place has been burned down.
A doe, a deer, a female deer…no, wait, wrong era. Again, I feel like someone is just getting lazy here. When the word is meant to mirror another, which it almost identically sounds like, we’re treading on lethargic territory. I also remember when “though” was shortened to “tho,” which I personally much prefer over this “doe.”
Same amount of letters, same amount of syllables, thus, the same effort. I fail to understand why we need yet another spelling, or in this case a whole new slang word, for something that already exists. The day I got a text from a friend asking me to “look at this doe,” followed by a picture of a house she just toured, I knew it had gone too far.
We’ve come to the point where somehow mixing the slang “doe” with a major life decision of purchasing property is somehow completely normal. Hello? It’s me. I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to grow up and stop asking me what I think of that house, doe. P.S. I was hoping there was a deer in the picture so I wouldn’t have to gift her a dictionary at her housewarming.
This is my favorite one, and there isn’t even a hint of sarcasm in that statement. As someone who quite enjoys the shadiness of both myself and other people, I was admittedly a little elated that there was now an official slang word coined for it.
While this doesn’t take anything away from the fact that I feel approximately a hundred years old while attempting to use it correctly, I probably use this more than I should admit.
Accompany this with some on point (or should I say on fleek?) facial expressions and precise comedic timing, and you’re golden. It’s especially satisfying when the other person has no idea of the size of your parasol…and my parasol is quite large, my friends. It provides much, much shade.
Now, leave me to drink my afternoon tea, take a nap, and eat dinner at 4:30 pm. I have a few books to read and a murder mystery to listen to on the radio before bed promptly at 7:30.