I finally watched the New Moon movie, the second in the Twilight saga, and it made me realize something. Here you have the tale of a girl in high school, Bella, who decides that she has found the love of her life. What attracts her most about this guy is that he is a vampire, so their love affair has its limits. Spoiler alert for anyone left who hasn't watched this movie, but after the vampire dumps her and moves away, another guy shows his interest in her. Although he tries to woo her, she does not want anything to do with him until she realizes that he has a secret of his own. Then the love triangle begins.
Now I know that there are people who are in love with all of the Twilight books and characters, but to me, this story is about two things:
- A girl who cannot live a happy life without a man in it.
- Someone who only likes guys who are unavailable in some sense.
Is this how all women think? On some unconscious level do women like a challenge to the point where there can be no happy ending? What is the point of all this? First, maybe it is good to know what an unavailable man looks like.
An unavailable man:
- Does not share details about himself
- Is self-absorbed
- Seems to lack emotion (doesn't laugh, doesn't get angry, doesn't get excited)
- Does not want to be in a relationship
- Is already in a relationship with someone else
The list goes on. He can be all or just some of these things. To sum it up, an unavailable man is someone who, for one reason or another, cannot be in a happy or healthy relationship with you.
What is the attraction?
So the next question to conquer here is why? Why would women want someone who is not available?
I asked a few of my friends these questions. Some said that they did it just for the thrill of the chase. Many women who date unavailable men are unavailable themselves. They may also be afraid of commitment, like the attention, or are already in a relationship. But for some women, it's just an unconscious mistake.
Detect the Unavailable Man
One way to avoid unavailable men is to be able to spot them. It's also important to ask yourself what you are doing to attract this person into your life. Here are some ways that women can focus on finding more available men.
- Ask yourself, do you really want a relationship? Maybe right now isn't the right time for one.
- Take time to get to know yourself. See what makes you happy, and then you can figure out what you want in a guy.
- Make a list of what you want in a guy. Write out all the qualities that you need in a relationship.
- Stay positive, don't focus on what you do not want. Focus on what you do want.
- Do not get discouraged if you meet a guy and things don't work out. Your dream guy is that much closer.
- Listen to what he is saying. If he says he does not want a relationship, he doesn't want a relationship. That probably isn't going to change. Just move on to the next one.
The Twilight movies would obviously be very different and probably less entertaining if Bella were to follow some of these rules, but the rest of us can learn from her mistakes. If you're asking yourself why you're single when all men are taken, take a look at the men you've been interested in. It's not true that all the good ones are taken. This is only true if you believe it, and all you will find are unavailable men. Know that there are plenty of eligible men who fit your criteria for what you need, are single, and looking for a relationship. Keep your eyes open, stay patient, and enjoy the ride.