Hangovers. We’ve all been there. If you haven’t, ha! Good luck when you get your first one. My brother always told me, you’ll know you’ve had a hangover, and it’s not a true hangover, until you wake up the next morning and promise to never drink again. Hangovers can be anything from an upset stomach, a pounding headache, and light sensitivity to nausea. Basically, it’s just anything that means you don’t want to be a real person the next day and makes it hard not to regret the night before. Here are 7 ways to hide and cope with a hangover.
1. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR BED!
Pull the covers over your head, snuggle with your teddy bear, never change out of your pajamas, and just pretend the outside world does not exist. This is seriously your best and most reliable option. Do not talk to other people, do not open your eyes, stay in your dark cocoon and sleep until the hangover goes away. This is the best way to hide a hangover, because if you never leave your bed, then no one will ever see you! If for some reason you are not going to follow this solid piece of advise read on for some other ones.
2. Find out if you’re hungover or…
still drunk! There is a huge difference between these two things, but they can be similar. If you have determined that you are, in fact, hungover, keep reading to figure out more steps to take in order to hide a hangover.
If you’re reading number two then you probably made the mistake of going hard the night before, or you just drank tequila, and don’t have the option of sleeping your hangover off. That was your first mistake, but as I said earlier, we’ve all been there. First things first, chug water! Your body is super dehydrated and is crying for water, or it would, except all the alcohol you drank dried it out, so it can’t even cry. Coffee, believe it or not, will actually make your hangover worse! It narrows blood vessels and increases blood pressure, which will just increase the painfulness of your hangover. After you’ve replenished your body with water, chug some ginger ale. My mom always gave me ginger ale when I was young and had an upset stomach. Well, hangovers are basically adult upset stomachs, and ginger ale still works for that.
4. Be Hygienic
Please shower. You smell. If you don’t shower then there is no way that any of these steps, I’m giving you, will help at all. You probably smell like a frat basement after a rager: stale beer and sweat. Just shower. For the sake of everyone who you will meet that day, please shower. Also, spray some perfume or cologne on after the shower, just for good measure. It’s a great camouflage technique, cause if you smell like Daisy by Marc Jacobs, they probably won’t suspect you were throwing up in your toilet last night and this morning. Also, PLEASE don’t forget to brush your teeth. You probably forgot to the night before, and no one, I repeat no one, loves you enough to deal with your smelly mouth the night after a hangover. It's also a dead giveaway, and you will probably knock someone dead from the smell of your mouth.
Eat some food. Two of my roommates swear by any bacon-egg-and-cheese sandwich, while my other roommates swear by Chipotle. All I can tell you is to avoid eating a bunch of strawberries when you have a hangover. Don’t let strawberries be the first and only thing you eat; make sure you eat something substantial. Your stomach is queasy and needs to settle itself.
6. Get Cute
You made the wrong decision to leave your bed to shower, but it’s okay. You’ve eaten, you’ve chugged a champion’s amount of water, you brushed your teeth and now it’s time for the final steps—to get cute! Deck your face out in makeup, put some jewelry on, and throw on a dress or a cute sweater and head out into the world. Dress well, feel well. If you look put together and you hide those circles under your eyes, no one will be able to tell you’re still recovering from the night before.
7. Fake Happy
Nothing will give you away more than a frown and a nauseous looking face. Smile. Say hi to people and just focus on anything besides the storm raging in your stomach and the hammer hitting your head. If you act normal, even overly cheerful, you’ll be able to hide in plain sight and be the jealousy of all the people who have a hangover who didn’t read this article and therefore can’t hide it.