The Seven Deadly Sins of Dating
There are logical ways to avoid the problems of online dating. The seven deadly sins of dating will help you avoid these pitfalls and go forward with some basic understanding. They make sense both in life and in dating and are based on common sense.
The first deadly sin of dating is lying. Basically it starts with a profile picture. If you plan a date with someone and they show up on your first meet not looking like their picture, they have deceived you. If they lie about anything on their profile, they will get caught and lose any chance of trust or building a relationship. You on the other hand, have the choice to accept this behavior or not. If you accept it, you are teller your date that it’s okay to lie to you and you will accept it. Don’t accept lying in any form.
The second deadly sin is revealing too much information too soon. For some reason a lot of daters, in the interest of total honesty, decide to reveal too much, too fast. I have actually sat down at a table, exchanged introductions and ordered a glass of wine, and had someone tell me that they needed to get something off their chest.
“I cheated on my ex-wife!”
Hardly knowing this person, I had nothing productive to say. He quickly understood that he had made a huge mistake, but instead of apologizing and moving on, he gave me a litany of things he had done wrong in his entire life. The list was awful including two bankruptcies. I felt sad for him but I didn’t want to date him EVER. He used me like a psychologist and at the end of his twenty minute run on sentence, I thought it would be more appropriate to charge him for my time then share a meal with him!
Eventually if you decided to date each other, things would get revealed, but by this time you would be in a caring relationship. It’s easier to hear when you heart is involved. A perfect stranger will walk away without looking back.
Before you start to date online, it would be wise to access what you are looking for in a relationship. You may only want a serious long term relationship and if that is true, then you will proceed differently than if you wanted simple casual dating. Not knowing what you want is the third deadly sin.
If we are jumping back into the dating world, then it is probable that your prior relationship has ended. If you have decided to date again, please do so with vulnerability, because if you want to find great love again, you must be vulnerable to the feelings that help you find and feel love. If you enter the process without vulnerability, you won’t recognize the right person when they present themselves to you.
Wanting a real relationship without the vulnerability component is the fourth dead deadly sin of dating.
Number 5 is no surprise: taking familiar liberties before their time. When you first begin dating a person, don’t get too touchy feely. You will definitely offend your date quickly. Some daters get very possessive if they feel chemistry and believe that their date must feel it also. It can even happen on a first date. If that happens set the person straight and move on. It is embarrassing to be on the receiving end of that misplaced affection especially on a first date!
Number 6: Chemistry is important but it is elusive. If you don’t feel it be honest. Wasting someone’s time is disrespectful. For me chemistry is or isn’t upon first meeting. For some, it develops over time. Figure out how it works for you and proceed accordingly. Honestly is always the best way to go especially since it involves people’s feelings.
Lastly, making assumptions about how someone feels about you is a cardinal sin of dating. Many people are unfortunately deceptive on their profiles, saying what they think people want to hear. They often say they want a relationship but really just want to “play it by ear” or “see how it goes.” Do not assume anything in the process. You may approach relationships completely differently and your communication skills are entirely different. Before you do anything as a couple, talk about it to see if you are both on the same page. If you decide to become exclusive, discuss it. Do not assume the other person is ready for exclusivity until they say it and follow it with actions that prove it.
If you avoid the seven deadly sins of dating, you will have a better chance of finding and keeping love in your life. It’s quite simple in theory and up to us to put them into play and carry us into a loving long term relationship. Just don’t complicate it too much or continue bad habits that didn’t work for you the first time around!